I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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