On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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