so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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