Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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