ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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