there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
