Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
