I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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