I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
