Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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