I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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