i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
