Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
