I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have aggressive nipples.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
