So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
