i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
