My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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