i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Let's get the cat blown out
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
