I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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