it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i may or may not be watching the land before time
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
