she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
