i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wish you could order shots online.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Randomize
