I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
