Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Randomize
