Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
