She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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