i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
