i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
