I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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