Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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