Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
