my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
