thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
