Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
