They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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