that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
