Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
