Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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