Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
