Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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