I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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