You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
no, he came in my armpit
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
