Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
