haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize