Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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