i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
