We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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