so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
