The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
