You're so nebulous sometimes
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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