Your face is a jimmy john
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
