There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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