Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize