my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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