im having a threesome with these popsicles
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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