Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
