Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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