just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
