sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
