He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I enjoy the company of your penis
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
