I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We are all done wearing pants today
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
