I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
