Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
