final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
