you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
it's like iHOP with fire
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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