Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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