Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
