She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
