she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize