I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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