I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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